Waiting on Winnie.


Our final month of pregnancy has arrived. We took some homemade maternity photos so that I can remember the anticipation, the weight of this little life inside me and the way my body changed for her. I am settling into a sense of calm amid the storm of decisions and anxieties. Letting the hormone driven feelings pass. Practicing my breath and focusing on feeling her movements and kicks, with my eyes closed as often as I can.

  • I go to sleep imagining contractions and what they might feel like. 
  • I imagine what the what the relief and wonder will be like the first time I hold her.
  • I wonder if she will recognize any of the songs we have been singing and playing for her the past few months.
  • I'm curious about what she may be dreaming of. 
  • I hope that her journey into this world will be free of any dangers.
  • I wish I could speed up time, pause it and rewind all at once.
  • I'm trying to remember what it was like to pick something off the floor easily.

Winnie is due to arrive sometime around April's full moon, the pink moon. So we are counting down the moon phases. They say the last month of pregnancy feels the longest. To me it feels the most exciting and full in comparison to the last eight. It is passing slowing, as if I am watching a moonrise and set. I am waiting to meet someone I feel like I have always known.